Sex Is For Men, Too

I saw this question on Quora and realized I’ve read and heard a lot of questions that are similar to this one.  I think the answer is adaptable to different situations and dynamics.  And hey, this site isn’t just about the specific, complicated questions, sometimes it’s about the simple questions with less than simple answers.  Like this one:

What are some good ways to meet older women?

I find older women (50 +) to be very attractive (eg. Meryl Streep or Helen Mirren). I am a guy in my 20s living in New York. I have a steady job and am not looking for any kind of financial support or long-term commitments. I am purely interested in companionship and, hopefully, sex. What is the best way to approach older women and breach the subject of intimate relationships with them?

—Quora question

If you’re looking for the real-world channels, then I would suggest reflection on your part to discover what it is about your ideal “type” of mature woman you like to date. Think about their hobbies, their interests. What does this woman like, that makes you attracted to her? Or even better for the purposes of making a connection, the interests that you share? Once you know that, find out where these women are going to get that fix, and see if there is a logical and appropriate reason for you to share that space. Does she like horse racing? Maybe go to a horse race! Find the lounge, and start buying the ladies drinks. It’s not my style, but it might be the thing for you.

What I have better luck with are online connections. And contrary to popular belief, there are a lot of women in the demographic you’re looking for that are very online dating savvy. I’m personally not a fan of several dating sites, especially for what you’re trying to get out of it. Things like Match.com and eHarmony are probably bad ideas. I recommend getting an OkCupid profile going. If you’re in a larger city, you can make a lot of connections that way, and filter by age groups, and get some idea if you’re in their preferred age groups – maybe their looking for a younger guy. Another place to consider – and don’t hit me, and for gods sakes be safe – is Craigslist. There are a lot of junk postings in there for connections, in both the Casual Encounters and regular personal ads. But my experience is that of all women that are going to these places to make more casual connections, the women in your preferred age group seem to be the most comfortable with their needs and desires and how to get them met. (I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s one of the very traits you’re attracted to in mature women!). There are a lot of ads in my city for women in that age group that seem to be more legitimate. Most of the trash ads claim to be young 18-25 year olds, because the prey those ads go for are the men who want them young.

I’m a big fan of online dating because you can both save a lot of time screening each other to have a better chance at a good match if you decide to take the time to meet for a drink, a hike, a romp, or whatever you like to do.

Here’s one last suggestion to consider, and this may or may not be your bag: Consider exploring your local kink community. If any of your interests, especially those you seek in these women, are within the world of kink or fetishes, then do some research into what local kink and fetish communities are out there. Where I live here in Seattle the kink community is very strong, and there are large kink scenes in most larger cities, but even some of the smaller midwest areas have them, if you look hard enough. These wonderful scenes are loaded with people of all ages and backgrounds that are into being open about what they want, especially when it’s casual and non-committal. All ages…but I have to say I’ve noticed a healthy amount of women in the exact age range you’re looking for. They’re seasoned, they know how to be pleased, they know how to please, and they’re ready to sit down with the right guy or gal and just discuss it. This approach is not mainstream, and it’s not for everyone. If this would be a new world for you, I ask and suggest that you take the time to really do your homework and learn the rules of the Community.

Whatever you do, I only ask this as a favor, both personally to me, and to all Gentlemen everywhere: Be a gentlemen about it. You can play the field, have a lot of casual, low-commitment fun and still be an awesome, caring guy. Help us prove it. Be open with your ladies, and expect them to be open with you. Stay safe. Make a good name for Gentlemen who do what they do find fun and happiness where all involved win. And that’s all I’ll say on my soap box!

—Dominic Bourbon

Featured image photo credit: “Elissa honey – Secretary – 02” by smokeylives on Flickr. CC, Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0), Some Rights Reserved.